So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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