Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
