I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
