it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
