People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
