ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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