i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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