I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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