They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
