matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
