Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
