Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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