when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
