oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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