Do you still have your period?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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