The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
