What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
