ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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