1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
