If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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