Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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