Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
