I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
