for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
