my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
