My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
