i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
