Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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