Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
