Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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