And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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