I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
