Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
