my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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