Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
