i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
