Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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