Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
