That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
