well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
