The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
