i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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