I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
