I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
