i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize