she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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