i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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