I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
