On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize