Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
