I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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