Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
