The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
