Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
