I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
