I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
