I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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