lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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