Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
