why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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