I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
