Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
