You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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