I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
