I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
