I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
