Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
