apparently the secret to your success is patron
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
