You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
