it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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