she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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