i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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