2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
