now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
