I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
