Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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