if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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