She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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