The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
