So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
