he thought i was a dude.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
