all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
