you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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